My Collar
I never wanted to wear a collar. When I fantasized about being under Cat’s complete control I never fantasized about having a piece of hardware around my neck. A few times over the years Cat has padlocked a piece of chain around my neck before she left the house. Every time she did it was horrible. I tried to reason it out. How much could the piece of chain and padlock weigh? A pound? Two pounds at the most? But having that chain locked on my neck made everything harder. I didn’t want to get out of my chair, I didn’t want to get food, I didn’t want to exercise, and I didn’t want to do chores. I just wanted to sit still until the collar was off. Of course I was still required to do all of my chores no matter what I was wearing, but for some reason just that little bit of weight pressing right there on my body was near intolerable. I could never wait to have it taken off. Now Cat wants a collar welded on to my neck permanently.
In some ways wearing a steel collar is worse than being tattooed as a slave. Tattoo ink can be hidden with makeup, but a metal collar is harder to hide. Also tattoo ink wouldn’t put pressure on my body. Wearing the chain I feel constant pressure around my neck. For me, that pressure on my neck feels worse than the pressure on my penis from the chastity device. Finally, the collar Cat wants to put on me is not at all attractive. If it were made out of stainless steel or titanium like those collars I have seen online I might feel differently about it. But what Cat wants me to wear is a piece of hardware chain welded around my neck, just like the chains that are already welded around my ankles. Those chains don’t rust because they get washed every day, and rub against my skin and the bed, but in just one year they have lost all of their chrome finish and now just look like raw metal. Cat says that she doesn’t want anyone who sees my chains to mistake them for jewelry. I hate the thought of anyone seeing my chains.
UPDATE
Cat has been locking the chain around my neck now almost every day taking it off in the evening to “Give me a rest.” But last week Cat “Forgot” to take the collar off in the evening and I had to wear it for two days in a row, even while I slept. While I have the collar on I feel even more vulnerable than just being naked in chastity. Cat likes to lock my hands behind my back and clip a dog leash to my neck. Once she has me clipped in this way I am going wherever she wants me and staying wherever she ties me. When she pulls on the leash the chain collar puts pressure on some very sensitive places on my neck, a feeling I don’t like at all. When she has the leash on me I follow her without wanting her to put any tension on the leash at all. Two days ago she tied the leash short and near the floor to the foot of her bed so we could take a “nap.” Cat told me how nice it was to have a pet that slept at the foot of her bed. Naturally I couldn’t sleep at all with my hands locked behind me, the collar on, and laying on that course rug unable to support my head.
UPDATE
Cat’s approach to doing something I don’t like is just telling me it is going to happen. Last week Cat told me that I was going to get a chain welded around my neck. I know that she is not even willing to discuss what I want, because if she did that would suggest the possibility of my having any say in her decision. Since she is in total control, I am like a child with no say at all in what will happen to me.
Cat’s approach is to tell me something is going to happen and then not tell me when. In a case like this I could hope that she will forget what she has told me, but it has never happened. In time, the stress of not knowing when something will happen builds up. If I were to ask when something were planned that would mean that I could prepare myself for it and have a little control. Several times Cat has punished me for asking her when something will happen to me. She hates it. This leaves me only one option. When Cat has told me that something is going to happen my only choice is to beg for it. Last week I begged, “Can I please have the chain welded around my neck?,” This week we went to the welder.
This is the second time we have gone to this welder and this time he knew what to expect from us. I was glad that we could go to the welding shop after hours so I didn’t make a show for everyone who worked there. Cat brought the chain marked to length, and the welder knew how to protect me so that I would not get burned. I had to take off my shirt, but then he covered me in protective leather jackets. It took about a half hour for him to cover me up, and then the welding and grinding took him only a few minutes. After he was done Cat made a point of showing him that I was still wearing the chains he had welded around my ankles years before. She went on to say that it was likely that I would wear this chain around my neck for the rest of my life. When Cat said this I could feel the fear in the pit of my stomach, although I couldn’t think of any way to stop it from being true.
Update
There is something very elemental about not wanting to have a collar around one’s neck. I can feel the chain all the time, especially against my throat when I sleep. Even though I sleep nude and chained to the bed, wearing a chain on my neck makes me feel even more vulnerable. Breath play is never something that has interested me and thankfully something that has never interested Cat, but now that I am welded in this collar I am constantly aware of how easily I could be choked.
Worse, Cat has now taken to leaving her leash padlocked to my collar. She says that it makes it easier for her to control me. Now that this leash is constantly dangling from around neck I have to be careful not to get it caught on something. The first week I wore the leash I got it caught on the bathroom doorknob and I came to a kind of crashing mess as my feet kept going and my head was pulled back. I also found myself in an uncomfortable position when somehow in my sleep the leash had gotten caught under my shoulder and I was woken in the middle of the night by my collar pulling hard on my neck. I was eventually able to get the leash shifted, but after that I made sure that the leash was put off the top of the bed before Cat locks in my hands for the night.
Update
Now that I have this collar welded on Cat treats me more like her property than ever before. Now she refers to me as “Slave” all the time, and now she treats me more like her servant, telling me to get things for her when she is home. Cat also likes me to display myself to her more. One of her favorites is, “Show your ass.” In this position I am on my knees, my face on the floor, and my hands pulling my ass cheeks apart. Sometimes Cat works at her computer while I hold this position. Once, Cat took her long bumpy dildo and slid it in and out of my ass when I was in this position. She said, “It was fun.” and “I want to do that again.” I shudder at the thought! Another of Cat’s favorites is “Offer your balls.” In this position I am facing up with my shoulders on the floor. My feet are spread wide and I am to hold my crotch up off the floor as long as I can. When I am in this position Cat likes to flick at my balls with her finger, hitting them like little punching bags. Naturally there is no way I can protect myself from this pain. She also likes me to stand in the corner a lot to wait for her. She says she likes the view of my ass and knowing where I am.
The other day Cat said, “Now that you can’t go out anymore maybe I should get a boyfriend.” At that instant, the fear of losing even more freedom was greater than the fear of Cat with another man. I suggested that she could get me a turtleneck to cover the collar and that I could continue to do errands. Cat told me that that was a “Ridiculous idea.” and told me that I already had enough clothing and that she wasn’t going to waste any money on something like that. Cat only gives me one set of clothing if she lets me go out. The rest of my clothing is locked in a room in the basement, I think. When I get back from an errand I need to strip immediately and return all of the clothing to her. I guess I am not going out anymore.
Now I was concerned about the other man and asked Cat why she needed a boyfriend. Wasn’t I doing well enough getting her off once or twice a day? She said she still wanted someone to go to movies with and hang out with friends with. At this point I know nothing of the movies that Cat sees or of her friends. I told her I could do those things with her. Cat rolled her eyes and said, “I wouldn’t let you embarrass me in your condition.” Since I don’t go out of the house much Cat is the one to cut my hair, and she doesn’t do a very good job. When I do go out of the house I wear a ski cap, even in the summer. I said, “I understand, you want an out of the house friend.” Cat replied, “Nonsense! He could come over whenever he wanted so you could get practice sucking his cock whenever he wants to get off.” When Cat noticed that my penis was trying to get hard at the thought of another guy seeing me like this and ordering me around, the decision was made.